I was driving home from work the other night listening to Christmas music. I usually drive down this one section which is Main Street of Historic Piney Flats, TN. It is a cute little road with mostly good sized Victorian farm houses. They must of had their Christmas tree lighting ceremony because it was lite up and all the houses had their lights on. I also caught the scent of woodsmoke and chilly cold air. I don't but I was hit with a feeling of homesickness. And since I did not grow up in a place like this I could not explain this. But I got to thinking. Maybe it was a homesickness not for a place, but of an idea. A desire. A wish. A wish for the perfect Christmas on a street like this in a big Victorian house all lite up with the warmth of a fire going in the fire place, and family surrounding me with laughter and fun.
It actually made me tear up.
Not out of happiness. Out of sadness, because this is a dream I have given up. I have no family to spend Christmas nights with. No one to welcome me home from a hard day with a warm fire and laughter. I live alone. My sisters and their families live too far away from me. So I usually spend holidays by myself except for brief visits to them and a few hours spent with neighbors.
So I understand that feeling of homesickness as I drove down that street all lite up and aglow. It was a homesickness for a dream I had and no longer dream it.
(not on that street, but just to give you an idea what they look like)