I have accepted fear as a part of life - specifically the fear of change... I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back. Erica Jung

Monday, October 11, 2010

Happy Birthday, Mom

You never know what you have until it's gone. How true is that. Today is my mom's birthday. She would of been 65. I lost her last year on October 3rd. I had been her caretaker since 2000. The year before that I was my step dad's.

Mom was severely diabetic-type 1, and as such had many problems due to that disease. She was wheelchair bound having lost her lower left leg and, because so much of her right foot had to be removed, was unable to keep her balance enough even with a prosthetic. She was also legally blind-her left eye dead and her right had cataracts.
She was also on dialysis-going three days a week to sit for four hours a day to be cleansed and have liquid removed. Her kidneys no longer worked at all. Which caused her blood pressure to stay low all the time. Not good. Add to that Irritable Bowel Syndrome, but I believe that was caused by all the stress she was under. My mom was not a healthy woman.
Everyone who knew my mom said she was a happy woman, always smiling and teasing with you. She did put up a good front for people. But they did not hear her in the night, weeping to herself and praying for relief, begging God for just one day of health.

My mom was deeply religious, but due to her health she was unable to attend Church, so she watched it on TV. Of course, she had a time wading through all the TV preachers to find the real ones as opposed to the nuts.

I'm pretty confidant of where my mom is today and I will see her again.

They say it takes a year to properly mourn. Ha! I will never stop mourning the loss of my parents. But I can...and am moving on. Time to get over the depression and rejoin life.

Happy Birthday, Mom. I love and miss you.
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